


There's Still Love

by LerDan



Series: The Power of Love [2]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Derek is a mess, Derek wears Henley shirts, Like LOTS of angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, Rough Sex, Stiles is a Mess, They love each other, it's all fluffy stuff in the end, they pine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:14:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2603132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LerDan/pseuds/LerDan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been almost ten years since Derek has left Stiles. What happens when he comes back to California? Will Stiles accept Derek back into his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_~_

_He felt light, calloused fingertips caressing his spine. Teasing. Tantalizingly slow. He came to consciousness just before the fingers made zigzagging motions over his back; touching his moles._

_Only one person was, for the lack of a better word, obsessed with his moles. He moaned as he stretched his back, muffling the sounds he made by his pillow. He blinked open his eyes and turned his head to stare at him over his shoulder. He blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes, a small smile creeping over his face._

_Like always, it was a bright morning. Stiles could hear the birds chirping merrily away, somewhere in the distance. Somewhere in this dream. Bright light seemed to shine on him, while he laid next to him; giving an angelic look. If angels came in the way Derek Hale looked._

_Yes, the person lying next to him was Derek Hale; looking sleepy, tired, but so beautiful at the same time that Stiles wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him. But it wasn’t an option. He knew this, learned this in a hard way. Learned that if he reached out to touch Derek he would disappear. Because Derek was nothing more than the ache, the longing that had settled down heavily in Stiles’ conscience. He was nothing more than a dream. An imagination._

_“You look well,” he whispered, like he always does. Like he was afraid if he spoke any louder Derek would vanish into nothingness._

_And like always, Derek gave him a small smile that softened his features more. A smile that would make Stiles’ throat tighten with this raw yearning. Derek Hale looked young, strong, beautiful, eternal._

_That’s how Stiles remembered him. That’s how he knew Derek._

_“I miss you,” he whispered brokenly. Always saying the same things._

_Derek just gave him a small sad smile, lips tight over his pearl-white teeth. His bicep flexed as he reached out and ran a thumb over Stiles’ lower lips. It was weird. In these dreams Derek would touch Stiles freely, as he pleased, the way he wanted. But Stiles wasn’t allowed to touch him. It was unsettling._

_He knew the dream was going to end soon, from the slight blurriness that was clutching at Derek’s form with vigor. Derek was frowning, discomfort marring his features quickly._

_“It’s okay,” Stiles whispered, fighting back the tears, fighting back the urge to reach out and touch. “It’s okay,” Because it was okay. Because they would meet again tomorrow morning. “I’ll see you soon… In my dreams. I will.”_

_Derek’s eyes met his. There was something hidden in his gaze, something that made Stiles’ body to shiver. He seemed to get a hold of his emotions, because in a second there was nothing but blankness as he stared into Stiles’ eyes. “Soon,” he murmured when the blackness finally engulfed him._

_~_

Stiles closed his eyes as a sob wrenched itself out from his pursed lips, when he finally woke up from yet another dream. He still remembered his voice, clear as yesterday, although in the dream, Derek didn't speak much anymore. He was starting to forget Derek’s voice, he was sure of it, that’s why Derek stopped talking to him. That’s why he would use one worded conversations. Stiles could do nothing, but stare at Derek in his dreams.

It hurt. He was hurt. He turned on his side, closing a hand over his eyes as he took several steadying breathes to ease the pain on his solar plexus. It was difficult to breathe. Difficult to live.

After ten years of doing the same thing each morning, over and over again, he still had a hard time coming back to himself after his dreams. It was getting harder to come back down from his high and the jeopardy that had been his life for so long.

Deep down he knew that this wasn’t normal, that he had to share this with someone, anyone, but he didn’t want to. Because if he admitted this to anyone, then they’d suggest him to go and see someone about it. They’d make him stop the dreams, to stop his connections with Derek. But he couldn’t, _wouldn’t,_ do that. He wasn’t going to leave the only thing that was keeping him sane, more or less. He wouldn’t let go of the man that he still loved.

He scrubbed the hand over his eyes as he tried to focus. He tried to gather his thoughts as he sighed in frustration and rolled out of bed. He relieved himself in the bathroom quickly, washed up and made his way to the kitchen, where he left his phone the night before on the counter. He quickly checked his emails and responded to some of them with quick replies.

He was halfway through reading his emails when his phone started to buzz; Greenburg’s name popping on the screen. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face quickly.

“What do you want?” Stiles answered his phone with a clipped, tight voice. He listened to whatever problem Greenburg got himself into and sighed. He replied with the right answers to his problems, trying not to snap and yell into his phone because Greenburg was being difficult. Finally, he took a deep steadying breath and said. “Do as I said Greenburg or I swear to God I will hunt your ass down and tear you a new one. No, I’m just kidding, you asshole, but if you won’t do as I said, you will fucking shut down the whole program. And let me tell you, I haven’t spent the last few years perfecting my skills in unis for making this program that will-hello? Heeellooooo?” Stiles pulled the phone away from his ear and frowned at the screen. Greenburg hung up on him.What the hell, dude?Stiles glared down at his phone some more then placed it on the kitchen counter as he made himself some coffee.

It was too early to take care of this, and too early to deal with Greenburg. Of all people who had to work in their firm, Greenburg had to be that guy who kept Stiles’ life a living hell. And it wasn’t the life-threatening, living hell kind of a thing; it was more of the fact that he didn’t get his job done right and Stiles would want nothing more than to fire him. But Greenburg was the nephew of their CEO so Stiles had to endure his presence. Whether he liked it or not.

Stiles sipped on his coffee and grabbed an éclair from the fridge. He then walked to his bedroom to get changed. Usually he wouldwork from home, but today was that kind of a day when he had to go to the office. When Stiles finished at college, he tried getting into the local IT University. He was surprised when he got the full scholarship there. The dean told him that he had a remarkable talent for anything that had to do with using the computer and its programs. And he told Stiles if he wanted to get himself the perfect job, he’d have “play his cards right” and “get his head in the game”. His words, not Stiles’. Stiles still wonders what that meant with the education he was going to receive where it didn’t have anything to do with games, but business.

So Stiles did, and he got himself the best job he could ever wish for. He was the manager of the whole IT department in this fancy looking building that sold electronic devises. He had enough to move out of his dad’s house and get himself a one bedroom apartment close to downtown.

He wore the cleanest button downs he had at hand, and his favorite skinny black jeans. He got his tie and leather jacket on, and grabbed an apple on his way out. He ran a hand through his hair and walked down the stairs and to the parking lot. His new car was standing close to the main door. He sighed sadly, and got into the car. As soon as he started the car and, yep, there it was. The clicking sound started once again.

“You piece of shit,” Stiles muttered, as he reversed out of the lot. As he drove down the road he couldn’t help but feel sad about the fact that his beloved Jeep wasn’t running anymore. Few months ago it just stopped at random and wouldn’t even start. Stiles was man enough to admit that he cried like a fucking baby. Because the thing was old already and he didn’t know how long he could go without a car. And since he could afford himself the luxury to buy a new one, he did.But the fucker was already breaking down as he drove his way to the office.

When he parked it in the lot, madding a mental note to drive his car to the mechanic down the street to get it checked out. The garage was a new place that had opened by the start of the year. He had never gotten the opportunity to go and see what the place looked like, or who the owner was, so this seemed like a good opportunity.

When he entered the building and went up on the elevator to the floor of his office, all thoughts of his crappy car and fixing it flew out of his mind as soon as he saw Greenburg sitting in front of the computer. He was sweating, like always, his face was ruddy and he looked close to having a full panic attack.

Stiles quickly walked to where he was and glanced at the screen. A second of observation later he cursed and pushed Greenburg out of his chair, grimacing as he caught a sweaty side of his shoulder.

“You are an idiot. A total, full blown, idiot. I told you multiple times, if you did this the system would shut down,” Stiles was angry and was a second away from blowing up and starting screaming on Greenburg’s face. “I wish you were never assigned to be on my level because you know shit and don’t take orders from anyone who definitely know better than you.”

“I thought what you were saying wasn’t right,” Greenburg said, his voice obnoxiously snippy.

Stiles whipped around in his seat and pinned Greenburg with a look. “’Wasn’t right’? Are you fucking shitting me right now? When have I EVER been wrong?” Stiles took a calming breathe from his outburst. “Get the fuck out of my face. Right now. Go!” he said through gritted teeth and Greenburg scrambled away. Stiles sighed and went back to the computer; obsessively hitting on the keyboard, trying to fix the program as soon as he could.

What seemed like hours later, the program was up and running again. Satisfied from his work, Stiles made his way to his office and shut the door after him. His secretary had placed a pile of paperwork on his desk and some sticky notes, reminders of what he had to do during the day. He got out of his jacket, hung it on the rack by the door, sat down by the desk and started working on his papers.

He got a call around noon when he was about to start going through the second file. Lydia’s smiling face with a toddler by her side is what greeted him on his phone as he grabbed it. A smile tugged on his lips and he slid his finger over the phone to answer the call.

“Hey Lydia,” said Stiles, smiling.

_“Uncle Says! Uncle Says!”_

“Heather! My favorite niece in the world! How are you?”

Heather giggled into his phone and replied,  _“Good.”_

“Does your mum know you’re calling?”

She giggled again and said,  _“No.”_

“She is going to be very angry with you if she knows you’ve stolen her phone again,” said Stiles, a big grin on his face as he heard her giggling and small, fast breathing into the phone.

 _“Heather! Give me my phone back. Now.”_  Stiles heard Lydia’s voice from the other side of the room in the phone and he couldn’t help but laugh as he heard Lydia chase around Heather trying to get a hold of her. There was silence and then Lydia said,  _“Hey, she didn’t wait for me to call you. Sorry.”_

“Oh no it’s fine, really. Don’t worry,” said Stiles smiling.

 _“I swear one minute she is an angel and the next she’s all over the place,”_  Lydia sighed. She sounded tired.

“I wonder who she got that from,” Stiles teased because Heather was totally her mother.

 _“Ha ha. Funny,”_ she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. _“How are you?”_

“Meh, I’m alright. I had to come to the office today because the guys needed me. What about you guys? How’s Chicago?”

 _“As if you don’t already know how it is in here,”_  said Lydia.  _“Heather misses you.”_

“Aww, I’ll come over again as soon as I can.” Despite the fact that Stiles mostly spent his holidays and vacation weeks in Chicago, Heather still demanded Stiles to come over. She loved him very much. And Stiles loved her back even more.

 _“You better. I already can’t stand it when she goes into one of her tantrums when she wants to see you again,”_  Lydia huffed out, but her voice was soft, nevertheless.

Stiles grinned at that. “I’ll try to come next month.”

They chattered a bit more about small things. Only when they were well into their conversation that’s when Lydia started acting a bit weird.  _“So, is there any news you’d like to share with me?”_

Stiles frowned at that, “News? What news?”

_“Well, you know… news.”_

“If I had anything to share, Lids, you would’ve been the first one to know.”

_“Yeah, I know, but I thought… Never mind.”_

“You thought what? Lydia, is there something that you aren’t telling me?”

There was a beat of silence and then he heard Heather yell out for her mum,  _“I gotta go Stiles, I will talk to you later. Just… keep an open mind, okay?”_  and with that, she hung up.

Stiles stared at his phone for a bit and then shrugged. Everyone seemed to be keen on hanging up on him today. He didn’t know how to feel about that. He glanced at the clock on his desk and saw that he missed lunch time. He sighed and called the cafeteria from downstairs and asked them to bring up a burger, with fries and a coke. He had to eat in the office since his time was spent on chatting with Lydia. He had to get his work done for the day, so he could take his car to the mechanic and get it checked up.

Stiles worked some more and ate his lunch in peace. He finished his work just in time for him to end the day and go home. So he stretched, cracking his back and neck from his hunched up position, and stood up. He gathered his papers into a file and walked out of his office. He didn’t even glance at Greenburg, because he didn’t feel like getting angry again.

He got into his car and quickly got out of the parking lot and down the road. The garage that he took his car to looked decent enough where he could leave his car. As Stiles stopped his car and got out of it, he noticed the name of the garage was called The Pack. An unusual name for a garage. He shrugged and walked inside. There were some people working around the cars, talking to each other over the noise of the loud music playing from somewhere.

As soon as he passed the threshold, several pairs of eyes looked at his way. It was eerie because they did it all at once and Stiles felt like he was being pinned to his place. It was uncomfortable and he hoped it didn’t show on his face. A guy walked towards him, wiping his hands on an already worn out and dirty cloth. “Hey, can I help you?” the guy looked younger than Stiles, but he had a hard edge to his features. The small smile that was marring his face was softening the edginess, though.

“Yeah, hi. Uh… I have some sort of problems with my car,” said Stiles, rubbing the back of his neck. “When I start it and start riding it, it makes these clicking noises.”

“Did you had any sorts of accidents lately concerning your car?”

“Other than me hating its guts and hitting on a stirring wheel on more than one occasion, than no, I didn’t,” joked Stiles. The guy next to him gave a small chuckle and nodded.

“I’m James, by the way,” He said, extending his hand. Stiles took it.

“Stiles.”

He didn’t miss the flicker of something on James’ face, but James was already masking his features and said, “I’ll ask my boss to come and have a look at it, since he had been dying to get his hands dirty with work,” James said rolling his eyes. “I’ll go and fetch him.”

Stiles gave him a small smile and a nod. James left to the back of the garage and into a room, which was probably his boss’ office. Stiles rubbed the back of his neck as he surveyed his surroundings. There were bunch of things on the walls, equipment’s and tires to be used. There was also a wall that was dedicated to pictures. Stiles felt himself smile at the sight as he itched his way forward.

Stiles felt his insides go numb as he caught a familiar face amongst the sea of various pictures of the workers. He looked taller from them, and much wider than any of them. Despite the small smile on his lips, his eyes looked sad. And he looked tired. Stiles felt the prickling of tears behind his eyes and he took a staggering step back from the pictures, his breathing shallow even to his own ears.

He turned around to get out of here, walk away from this place as soon as he could, but as he did so, he froze. He couldn’t move, or breathe, or do anything other than stare at the person that was standing about ten feet away from him.

Derek Hale looked as edible as Stiles remembered him. He did look taller, wider, and bigger than any of them. He looked older, there was tiredness to his features. The sharp edges of his jawline looked squarer now. He had a few gray hair in his jet black hair, and the black Henley shirt he was wearing was way too tight for him, if you asked Stiles’ opinion on that. His gray shorts were doing wonders to his legs that Stiles never thought he’d find attractive on a guy.

But this wasn’t any guy. This was Derek Hale. The love of Stiles’ life for the first handful of years of Stiles’ adulthood life. There was the familiar feeling he got whenever he laid his eyes on Derek when he was younger, and that feeling was coming back with vigorous aggressiveness.

Stiles felt the edges of his eyesight blurring and he had to take a visible, shaky, breathe to compose himself. Because this was not the right place to break down. This was not the right place to show weakness. This was not the right time to throw everything to the wind and throw himself at Derek and just breathe him in. No. This was not it. He had to keep his head high and act like this wasn’t effecting him.

But then Derek spoke. He just said his name, “Stiles.” And Stiles couldn’t take it. He shook his head and took a step back. He was going to have a full blown panic attack if he didn’t get out of there, if Derek didn’t stop looking like a kicked puppy.

“I-I…” he didn’t know what he was going to say. He just had to… had to… “I have to go.” He turned sharply and walked his way out. He barely noticed that everyone had stopped their work and it was eerily quiet as he left the garage. He almost got to his car when he heard Derek call out his name again. He stopped short. His breathing ragged and too loud.

“Stiles?” Derek’s voice… Stiles could never, would never, forget that voice in his whole life. So he took a deep steadying breathe, braced himself and turned back around. Derek was standing a few feet away from him, looking nervous and tense.

Stiles didn’t say anything, he just stared. Derek huffed out a laugh. The laugh that would make Stiles go crazy and weak on the knees. “Honestly, I didn’t imagine our first meeting going like this.”

“Honestly, I didn’t think there was going to be one,” Stiles was quick to snap back. He was shivering from head to toe. He was itching to get out of there. To get as far away from there as he could, but he was routed on his spot. Unmoving.

Stiles just shook his head. He didn’t give in into the impulse of getting close to him and hitting him across his beautiful face. Yes, Derek Hale looked beautiful. Even if he had gray hair and tired eyes. Tired and haunted eyes.

“What are you doing here?” asked Derek. His voice was calm. Stiles took comfort from that.

Right. He had a car to be taken care of. Young love and feelings be damned. “I have a problem with my car.”

Derek nodded. He seemed to hesitate for a moment and then said, “Do you want me to take a look?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Derek gave him a small smile and he limped his way to the car. Stiles’ heart lurched at that, but he didn’t comment on it. Not the right time. It could wait. Derek did a quick work of opening the hood and peering in. He checked some things here and there, humming and murmuring under his breath as he observed and probably made some mental notes in his head.

Stiles wanted to fill in the silence, more of an impulse than anything else. He placed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and huffed out a breath.

“I didn’t think you’d ever let go of your Jeep,” Derek spoke softly as he wedged and turned some bolts. His fingers moving fast and steady. Stiles looked away.

“Yeah, well. It broke down and I had to get a new car for transport,” said Stiles, shrugging.

“What happened to it?” asked Derek checking something up and humming.

“No idea. It just stopped working.”

“Hmm…” Derek didn’t say anything else. After a few moments of silent fumbling and Stiles gnawing persistently on his lower lip, Derek straightened and cracked his neck loose. “Well, your car’s gonna have to stay with us for a few days. There seems to be some sort of problem with it that needs to be attended to as soon as I can.”

Stiles’ shoulders sagged and he rubbed at his forehead. He looked up and caught Derek staring at him. Derek was the first one to look away. He shut the hood of the car and leaned against it.

“I’m guessing you’re going to need a car?” Derek asked tentatively, and just like that, Stiles felt like they were back to the start.

“Yeah, I’ll figure something out,” said Stiles. He pulled out his business card from his pocket and gave it to Derek, careful not to touch Derek’s fingers as he took it from Stiles, standing up from the hood. “Send me the bill by that address and I’ll send you back the check, yeah?”

Derek frowned, “Aren’t you going to come back for it yourself?”

“I don’t think I can,” said Stiles quickly, averting his gaze. He was trying to get a way out of this situation without looking suspicious, but Derek knew him. Stiles knew that Derek  _knew_  him, but he still did this.

He glanced up at Derek’s face and just like he predicted; Derek’s face looked defeated, closed off and sad. Stiles didn’t know how he did all the three emotions at once, but he did. It broke his heart into pieces. Stiles averted his gaze as Derek looked up from the card, his face neutral once again.

“This where you work at?” he asked, his voice almost unrecognizable. Although Stiles could tip off the feelings he was trying to hold in.

Stiles nodded and said, “Yeah. That’s where I work at now.”

“Good?”

“Good.”

This was so awkward and so tense that it was making Stiles jittery. He jiggled the car keys in his hand and then walked closer to the car and placed it on top of the hood. Derek stared at it for a moment and then lifted his gaze up to Stiles’ face. “The keys. For the car,” he added, unnecessarily.

Derek licked his lips and Stiles traced the motion with his eyes, feeling his insides going all over the place. Derek took a deep breathe, looked down at the keys, took it, and then looked up. He inched forward a bit and then said, “Let’s have lunch. Tomorrow. Free?”

Stiles’ heart galloped to a stop and then it skyrocketed into his throat, making it clog and hard to breathe. Derek was looking at him with this expression as if he knew what was going on inside Stiles’ chest. Knowing Derek, he probably knew exactly what was happening.

Stiles took a shuddering breath and said, “Sure.”

His heart skipped a bit when Derek smiled at him, the dream smile, and then nodded. “Great. I know a place just around the corner… Meet you there? Around two?”

Stiles felt an answering small, tentative smile tug at his lips as he replied, “Yeah. Sure. I’ll see you then, Derek.”

“Stiles,” said Derek, nodding his head as Stiles took a few steps backwards. Stiles turned around then and walked away from Derek. He could feel his heart racing up and up until Stiles  _had_  to physically take handfuls of steadying breaths to calm himself down.

Derek Hale was back in town.

Derek Hale was alive.

Stiles Stilinski was screwed. Again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Planet of Douchebaggery.”

Stiles was nervous. He didn’t think he was ever this nervous. Only maybe when he was graduating the university and had to look like the adult that he was supposed to be. Apart from graduating from the university, he didn't remember ever being this nervous. Even if his dad had gotten him that sharp suit which made him look good, he was nervous at that time, had the butterflies in his gut and clammy hands.

But now.

Now was different. He was sweating from head to toe, he couldn’t breathe through the tight shirt that he was wearing, which he ironed more than once because he thought it had a wrinkled underarms. His hair, in Stiles’ opinion, wouldn’t cooperate with him. He tried to make it look decent, multiple times, but he gave up on it an hour later. It was getting close to one o’clock now and he wasn’t ready yet.

He still had to choose his jeans. He glared at his multiple choices of skinny jeans. He was wearing a deep navy colored shirt, maybe the gray ones would look good with it? So he tried it on, and he almost gave him a heart attack when he cried out in victory. He had a winner in jeans. He got his black shoes on and looked at himself in the mirror for one final check-up. He looked good, if he did say so himself. He looked smart and sexy and grown up. He needed to look grown up.

He rubbed a hand over his eyes and dropped down on his bed. His emotions were getting the better of him and he heaved out a big sigh.

He was going to meet Derek Hale.

The Derek Hale that he had feelings for all these years that had left him without a word, and the person who rocked his world by coming back again. He didn’t literally rock his world, because Stiles was close to losing it and having a panic attack in front of everyone in that garage. But there was something that sparked inside Stiles’ hollow heart. That small part that had been burnt, cut and tossed aside that had Derek written all over it.

That was the part that made Stiles emotional when he laid eyes on Derek.

He checked the time again and deeming it a decent time to start for the diner, he got up, cast one last look at himself in the mirror, and walked out of the door. On instinct he walked to the parking lot, but stopped short when he realized that he didn’t have a car now. Sighing dejectedly he walked down the street to the diner.

It wasn’t that far off from where he lived, a few blocks away from his apartment building. As he walked he thought about his job and the calls he had to make when he’d head back to the office tomorrow, emails he had to send and Greenburg to deal with. Fucking Greenburg.

When he finally got to the diner he was ten minutes late. Derek was already sitting at the far back with a cup of coffee in front of him, staring out the window, a small frown deep in between his eyes. He quickly made his way to the table.

“Sorry, I’m a bit late. I had to walk here, since I don’t have a car or any other transportation methods to get to my desired destination. Isn’t that awesome? At least this way I’ll get more work out then I am capable of. It should make my gym instructor proud. The asshole. No, really, he  _is_  an asshole. He forbade me to eat my favorite snacks. All of them. He said I ate like a pig, which to tell you the truth,  _is_  true. Oh well. It sucks though, not having a car to go to places, because as it turns out, I’m not as fast as I thought I was. So, sorry for getting here late,” Stiles finished his rant with a deep steadying breath. He knew he was rambling, God only knew why. But he couldn’t help the nervousness that got ahold of his tongue and made him a rambling mess.

Derek was staring at him with this fond, - dare Stiles name it just that?- expression on his face. It was quickly masked with another emotion which Stiles hated in a second. Where was the fond one? No, come back! “Wow, I forgot just how much you talked.” There was a hint of amusement in his tone of voice and a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, well. Couldn’t grow out of that one,” said Stiles leaning back against his seat.

“Good,” replied Derek and he looked like he meant it. “That’s good. God knows everyone has changed for the last few years.”

“Tell me about it,” snorted Stiles. Just then a waiter came over and Stiles ordered coffee and burger to eat, with curly fries. Derek ordered the same.

“So,” said Derek once the waiter walked off.

“Sooo…?” said Stiles, waiting for Derek to make a conversation.

“How are you Stiles?” asked Derek, and the question threw Stiles off a bit.

“I’m good. Great. Uhm I have a job that I love and hate at the same time. Love because it’s an awesome job to have, and hate because fucking Greenburg.”

“Oh?”

Stiles stared at Derek for a moment, and then backtracked to what he said. “Oh. No. No, not  _fucking_  fucking Greenburg. Just fucking Greenburg, because he is an asshole,-no pun intended,- the hugest asshole that has ever assholed in the whole planet earth.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He is worse than Jackson.”

“I thought the only asshole in this world was Jackson?”

“Hah! No. He is the King of Assholes.”

“And where does that Kingdom resides?”

“The Planet of Douchebaggery.”

Derek snorted out a laughter at that. Stiles stared. His whole face transformed into the younger version of Derek. Despite the fact that Derek had white hair now, had a permanent black bags under his eyes and looked as if he didn’t sleep for years, he was still Derek. When he laughed his face lit up, the wrinkles around his eyes crinkled when his cheeks stretched up. His eyes were bright with mirth and amusement caused by Stiles’ big mouth.

He was still Derek.  _His_  Derek.

And he looked good in his black Henley shirt that stretched over his wide shoulders and the V of the shirt’s neck did nothing to hide the black, thickened chest hair from the view. Stiles knew that he was staring, he was probably salivating as well, but he couldn’t hide that. He couldn’t hide the emotions that were probably playing over his face as he just sat back and stared.

Derek looked good, there was no denying in that. Derek looked good and Stiles wasn’t sure he’d be able to act as an adult in this situation.

“You look good,” Derek broke the silence. Stiles’ eyes snapped up to his face and his breath caught in his throat. If this was how it was going to go this day, then Stiles was sure he wouldn’t be able to hide the tightness from his pants as much as he wanted to. Because Derek looked at Stiles as if he was a tasty dish. As if he couldn’t wait to devour it.

Stiles’ mouth dried and he swallowed. He cleared his throat and said, “Thank you. You don’t look bad yourself.”

Derek gave him a small smile at that and then looked down at his coffee. Their waiter came and placed their orders in front of them, wished them a happy meal and went off. They started eating in silence and Stiles’ leg started to jiggle because he couldn’t keep quiet. As much as he liked the silence of his company from time to time, this silence made him nervous.

“How’s your dad?” asked Derek eventually, taking a bite out of his burger. Stiles’ stomach did a backflip. He was officially back to the first time he and Derek had been together. If he found this attractive, then so be it. Goddamnit. It wasn’t fair. The way he gripped that burger, the way his biceps flexed with the motion were making Stiles internally cry like a baby. This wasn’t fair, to him or his cock.

“My dad’s fine. He’s still working, but he does office work now because he can’t be out there on the field.”

“Why not?” asked Derek, frowning.

“He had a heart attack about five years ago,” Stiles said. Derek’s face morphed into one of sympathy. “Yeah… Doc said he had to be kept on medicine and try to take it easy. But you know how he is.” The sad part was that Derek knew how Stiles’ dad was. Stiles didn’t know why, but that knowledge made him sad.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Derek, looking genuinely sorry.

“Thank you,” said Stiles with a small smile. He chewed on his fry and tried not to look at the way Derek ate. They sat in silence, ate their burgers slowly, sharing unimportant stuff with each other. When they finished, Derek insisted on paying for it, because he was the one that asked Stiles out. Stiles’ hear did  _not_  flip at that.

They walked out of the diner and Stiles shuffled his feet. Was this it? They were going to say good bye and go their separate ways? It was getting close to four and Stiles wanted to spend as much time with Derek as he could.

“Do you have to go to work?” asked Derek, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, the other in the pocket of his jeans. Stiles tried not to whimper at how good he looked in those tight black jeans that did wonders to his ass.

Stiles shrugged and looked at Derek, and then away, “Nope. I don’t have to. Why? Do you have anything in mind?”

Derek seemed to relax at that, hand leaving his neck. “Uhm, I found this place, when I came back and used to go out and walk around the town. I haven’t shown this place to anyone, but if you want to, I can show it to you?”

Stiles said “Yes” even before thinking thoroughly about it. When it came to Derek and answering his questions, there was nothing to be thought over for, it seemed. Derek gave him a grin and they headed to the parking lot where Derek’s car was parked at.

“Wow, it’s still running,” said Stiles as he admired the Camaro for a second before climbing in. Derek didn’t answer, he just gave Stiles a small smile and then they were off from the parking lot.

Derek drove fast. Stiles realized that he had missed this as well. Derek seemed at ease where he was and the way he drove, it seemed like he was on autopilot. Like he drove these streets more than one time. Stiles relaxed in his seat and glanced at Derek from the corner of his eyes. He looked good. The strong line of his jawline was more prominent this way. The light stubble that he liked to keep trimmed was a bit longer this time. Stiles wondered what it would feel like under his palm.

He clenched his hands into fists and looked out of the window. Dark clouds were gathering up above and it was going to rain. Weird, it was really sunny in the morning. Stiles hated the spring weather.

“It’s going to rain,” he commented.

“Hmm…” hummed Derek. “Don’t worry. The place we are going has a shelter if it rains too badly.”

 _‘We’_. He said  _‘we’_. If Stiles didn’t consider himself as an adult he would definitely squee from excitement. Although, on occasions, it didn’t stop him from acting like a teen whenever the need arose. So he just nodded and gave Derek a small smile. Derek just stared at him for a second and then averted his gaze back to the road.

“Is it far?”

“It’ll take about twenty more minutes to get there,” said Derek, checking the time on the dashboard. It was getting close to five.

“Cool,” replied Stiles nodding. He couldn’t take the silence anymore so he pointed at that radio, which Derek shrugged for. Stiles fiddled with it. When he passed a certain station, Derek made a sound and Stiles backtracked. “Cool?”

Derek nodded. “Yeah, I like their music.”

“You listen to  _KONGOS_?” asked Stiles, raising an eyebrow as the lead singer sang something about having sex on the radio? Stiles didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics.

“Yeah, they are cool. I like ‘em.”

“Alrighty, no judgment here,” said Stiles, relaxing back into his seat.

After that they listened to some more music as Derek drove them further and further out of town. Stiles wasn’t nervous about getting a bit out of town. He was, however, a bit cautious as to what Derek had planned. He hoped that it wasn’t anything that would mean their body parts would make connections with each other. Stiles wasn’t ready for that. Was there ever going to be  _that_  closeness to them, ever? Stiles didn’t know, but he really, really did want to know.

Derek then swerved into a small opening and stopped the car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and Stiles did the same. “You know, if I didn’t know you, I’d say you brought me here to kill me. Because dude, this place looks like it serves just for that purpose.”

Derek gave him an exasperated look, shook his head and got out of the car. Stiles grinned at his own joke and got out of the car after Derek. It was a bit chilly around here and he shuddered. He noticed that Derek had his leather jacket on and Stiles glared at him for a moment. It wasn’t because Derek had actually thought of bringing a jacket, but because he looked too fucking good like that and Stiles was going to die from blue balls.

He glanced up at the sky and saw how dark it was. It was going to storm and Stiles was going to look like a fucking drenched cat.

“We are going to walk for a bit, that’s okay, right?”

Stiles nodded, “Sure. Lead the way.”

Derek started down a path and Stiles walked close by, arms crossed over his chest to keep off the chill. They walked in silence, and the further they went, the further Stiles thought they were lost in the woods. He was going to die from blue balls and in a forest. He should’ve called his dad and said goodbye. Though Derek looked like he knew where he was going, Stiles was still skeptical.

After a few minutes of silent walking, the trees thinned and Stiles could make out the water. Stiles was bewildered for a moment, but he kept close to Derek, following him. Stiles noted there was a shelter closer to the shore and he made a beeline for it, as he felt the first raindrop on his cheek. Derek got there just in time when the rain started to come in earnest.

“This is a beautiful place. Do you come here often?” asked Stiles as he stared out at the lake. The heavy rain that was disturbing the peace of the lake.

Derek gave him a small shrug, “Yeah, from time to time. I don’t come here just for the beautiful sight, Stiles.”

“Oh?” said Stiles looking at Derek as he took a step closer.

Derek nodded and placed his hand on Stiles’ shoulder and tilted him to the side a bit and pointed at the far side of the shore. Stiles stared, his eyebrows lifting up in surprise. “Is that yours?” A wooden, two story-blocked cabin sat cozily there, a bit away from the main water.

“I got it when I came back to California. Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it looks cool,” said Stiles, directing his small smile back at Derek. Noting how close Derek was still staying, he took a tiny step back, tightening his arms around himself. “Why here though? You could’ve gotten a great pent house in apartment buildings in town, close to downtown.”

Derek looked around himself and then shrugged, “I just like the water and the rain. And it’s the cold weather that I like. And it’s quiet in here. So… yeah.”

“You don’t like loud noises?” asked Stiles, trying not to shiver. Derek frowned at Stiles’ form. He then took off his jacket and held it out for Stiles. “Seriously?” Derek nodded.

“You’re freezing, and I’m used to the cold.”

“Ugh, thanks,” Stiles groaned as he took the jacket and threw it over himself. He was consumed by the smell that was purely Derek and the warmth of his. He did  _not_  moan at that. Derek bit down on his lower lip, as if he was trying to hold back his grin. Stiles glared at him, “Shut up. I was freezing, you didn’t even tell me where we were coming to.”

“My bad,” said Derek, not looking apologetic at all.

Stiles rolled his eyes, “ _Anyways_ ,” he said pointedly, turning around and facing the cabin again. “What are you going to do with it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll live here permanently. Since I have a job and a place at downtown, I’ll just probably leave this for personal uses and stuff.”

“Like, when it’ll get too much back there, you’ll come here for some quite Derek to Derek time?”

“If you mean for some alone time, then yes, I will use this for that purpose.”

“Only?” asked Stiles and turned his head to face Derek over his shoulder. “Only for alone time?”

Something seemed to flicker in Derek’s light eyes that was too quick for Stiles to capture, “Not only.”

Stiles turned his head and hid his smile at the collar of the jacket. They stood there for a bit more, since it was still raining like there was no tomorrow. Stiles sighed and leaned back against one of the tubes that held the shelter. He looked around himself noting how thick the trees were around the place. The cabin didn’t look out of place there. It looked like it was part of the perfect picture. He took out his phone and snapped a picture of the cabin, one or two times.

“You liked it that much that you took a picture?” asked Derek so close to Stiles’ ear that Stiles gave a body shiver. He blamed it on the cold.

“Y-yeah. It looks beautiful, Derek.” Stiles stammered out. Derek was too close for comfort. He closed his eyes and willed his body to not react to his closeness.

“Love it?” Derek whispered, his lips  _definitely_  brushing over Stiles’ ear. He could feel Derek’s warm fingers, calloused finger touching the back of his neck, caressing the spine there. It felt so, so familiar…

Stiles took a step away from Derek hastily. He ran his hand over his face and took several steadying breathes. He was so tense that he had to shake his shoulders to get Derek’s  _everything_  off of him.

“Stiles-“

“I’d like you to take me back home, Derek. Please.”

Without waiting for an answer he made his way to the car. He knew he sounded rude, knew he acted childish, knew that his behavior was nothing, but disrespectful. He knew it. But he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t find it himself to care about it, for one second, because Derek Hale deserved it.

A hand on his forearm tugged him to a stop. He turned around and saw Derek drenched from head to toe from the rain, his shirt wet from the rain. “You’re going in the wrong way,” he shouted over the sound of the rain. He tugged at Stiles’ arm and said, “Come on. It’s this way.”

Stiles silently followed Derek in a fast walk. They got to the car in no time, and Derek quickly climbed in. He turned on the heater and soon the car was getting warmer by the second. Stiles was still shivering from the cold. Derek looked at him for a second and then opened the door again.

“Where are you going?” asked Stiles.

“I have blankets in the trunk. Let me get them,” before Stiles could say anything else, Derek stepped out of the car and into the rain. He quickly gathered his stuff from the trunk and got back inside. He gave two of them to Stiles and wrapped one of them around his shoulders. “As much as I love the rain, I’m still cautious about catching a cold.”

Stiles snorted at that as he wrapped the blankets around himself as well. After a few moments of silent shivering, Derek started his car and reversed back from the path. It was a bit slippery, but they made it out of there in one piece and soon, Derek was driving them back to town. The ride back was silent. Stiles keeping his hands to himself, rubbing them together to get them warmed up again, and staring out the window. Derek’s arms were tense over the wheel of the car.

Honestly, Stiles couldn’t really blame him. Stiles ended whatever was going to happen at the lake, because it was something that both of them wouldn’t have any control over it, even if it took a certain path. They both still had questions that needed to be asked and answered. Stiles more than Derek.

Stiles prided himself of the fact that he managed to keep a clear head when Derek got close. Closer than Stiles anticipated him to be. He didn’t regret it at all. If only, he berated himself for being so clueless from Derek’s intentions.

They got back in town in a record time. The rain here was less heavy then it was close at the lake. Derek drove down the familiar road of the diner and after a moment of silence asked for Stiles’ apartment direction. Stiles gave it to him. Derek nodded and drove the short distance to the apartment.

He got as close to the main doors as he possibly could. Stiles didn’t even look at Derek as he dropped the blankets down by the floorboard and got out of the car, slamming the door shut after him.

He heard Derek getting out of the car and Stiles willed himself to not lose it, to just turn around and give him a thank you and a goodbye. But Stiles’ emotions weren’t listening to Stiles. Of course they weren’t. So he turned around and glared at Derek, who was standing about five feet away from him. The rain was still drizzling over them.

“Why did you left?” he asked, his voice breaking over the word.

Derek stared at him for a moment, his mouth forming the word “What?”

“Why did you leave me? All those years ago. Why?”

“Stiles-“

“Was I… What did I do wrong to deserve such treatment from you?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why did you leave me?” said Stiles, his voice cracking, tears gathering in his eyes.

Derek took a visible steadying breath and closed his eyes, as if seeing Stiles this way was causing him pain. Good. Served him right for causing Stiles such pain. Oh the hurt inside Stiles’ chest was unbearable.

“I didn’t have any other choice, Stiles. I hurt you. I had to leave. I had to take actions for the consequences before I hurt you more?”

Stiles gave a mirthless laugh at that, a horrible, gut-wrenching, laugh. “Oh, you thought that it was a great idea to not only get me into that hospital bed, but then to leave me because you thought, what? You thought that it would be a great idea to let me there?”

Derek shook his head and said, “I didn’t think it was a great idea. You have no idea, Stiles.  _No idea_  what would happen to you if I stayed with you.”

“Enlighten me then!” Stiles yelled at his wits end. “Tell me why you left me Derek. I’ve been going over this from the minute you left me! I have been going over the whole mess over and over again, to the point where I had to take medicine to keep me from losing it completely. I was trying to see what I did wrong... What I  _said_  wrong that made you go, made you to leave me like that.” Stiles’ broke into a sob. And he closed his face with his hand. “I thought you were dead,” he whispered into his hands. He heard Derek’s sharp intake of breath. He roughly wiped away the tears from his face and looked at Derek. “I thought you were dead,” he repeated more clearly. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you ever again.” The rain had stopped. It was deadly silent around them. The evening was calm now, except from these two boys whose emotions were running high. Stiles took a step closer to Derek and asked, his voice calmer now, broken, “Tell me.”

“Because I would’ve killed you.”

His voice was blunt. Steel. Stiles felt like someone had punched him in the gut and there wasn’t enough air to breathe. “What?” he asked numbly.

“I would’ve killed you if I stayed closer to you. Do you think it was easy for me to be close to you, to be intimate with you, would make the whole war go away from my head?” Derek shook his head. His eyes were brimming with tears. No emotions displaying in them. Only the raw need to be understood by his beloved Stiles. “You have no idea what I did when I was at war. No idea how many lives I took with this two hands that would run all over your body with purpose. I killed people with my bare hands, Stiles. I know where to punch, push and pull to make the person in my hands to die if I wanted to.” His voice was rising now and Stiles stared at Derek with growing horror as his face twisted into something ugly. “You have no idea how many nights I stayed awake, staring at you while you slept and-“

“Stop. Please. Stop.”

“No,” Derek growled. His voice almost inhuman. “You wanted to know. And I’m telling you why I left, Stiles. Isn’t this what you want? To know the truth?” Derek was in Stiles’ personal space by now, but he wasn’t touching Stiles at all. Stiles wanted to take a step back because this was scaring him. Derek was scaring him. He didn’t even want to hear what Derek had to say, and he had no choice, but listen. “I had to physically restrain myself from wrapping my hands around your neck and squeeze it until you went limp in my hands. Do you think that you would handle me at my worst? Do you think I would live like this? Knowing that I had killed my boyfriend, the person that I  _love_ … It would’ve killed me. But knowing me. Knowing what was going on in my head, it wouldn’t have been death for me. Because I was already dead by then.”

Stiles was breathing harder now, his chest heaving while he fought the urge to not throw up. He knew that Derek was broken, knew that Derek wasn’t perfect. But he was naïve enough to think that being with Derek would mean that he was out of danger. That Derek wouldn’t hurt him. But as it turned out, he could. Derek wiped away the tears from his hand with the back of his hand and said. “I love you, Stiles. I always did, and I will always do. I know this won’t mean much, but after I left they didn’t take me to prison.” Stiles just stared at him, saying nothing.

“They took me to psychiatrist. I was then diagnosed with PTSD and had to take meds and be at the hospital as long as they’d have me. I got back to normal for over a year later since I had been diagnosed. When they told me I was free to go, I wanted to come and visit you. To see you. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t face the person that I wanted to take the life from. So I went back to war. General Wittemore told me he didn’t want me to go back, and for good reasons, but I didn’t listen to him. And I went back to war. And everything seemed to be back to the way it was.

We lost so many people at the war. Andy was gone a month away when I got back. My whole team went down one by one, each day they’d get me new recruits and I had to train them, to shape them to the person that I wanted them to be, but I got tired. I didn’t have my friends by my side, so I had to leave. I asked Wittemore to release me and he gave it to me gladly. I got back to America five years ago. I lived here and there, did things just to occupy my head, and had meetings with groups who got back from the war, or who were people that were fighting PTSD. I didn’t miss a single meeting. Not even when I was bed sick. Because I needed to get better before I came back here. To you.” Derek took a step closer to Stiles, as if it was possible by how close they were standing. Stiles had to blink several time to see Derek’s face. Derek’s broken, desperate face. “I had to get better for you, because I needed to see you when I was capable of handling myself.”

Derek took a shaky breath and stared down at Stiles. Derek’s eyes were red-rimmed, tired and emotionless. He looked so sad and depressed that Stiles’ heart broke to pieces again. He hiccupped a sob, more tears spilling down his cheeks. Derek made a distressed sound at the back of his throat and raised his hand and cradled Stiles’ face in his palm. He leaned in and kissed Stiles’ forehead, like he’d always do all those years ago.

“You have no idea how fucking sorry I am, Stiles. No idea. I swear, if I could I would go back in time and fix everything that I did wrong. But I can’t, and you have to believe me when I say that I am really,  _really_ sorry. I had to leave, because I  _had to._  Because I couldn’t endanger your life anymore. I had to keep you safe.” He kissed Stiles’ forehead again, rubbed his thumb back and forth over Stiles’ cheekbones and took a step back.

“Go inside, sleep it off, take all the time you’ll need and come and find me if you want to start over,” said Derek, his voice steady. “Take days, months, years, however long you want. Just  _know_ , please, know that I will always want you.”

Stiles stared at him for a moment. Without saying a word he turned and walked inside the front doors. He took a sharp turn left, plastered himself against the wall and slid down on his bum. A broken sob left his mouth, tears spilling down from his eyes, before he could stop himself.

It hurt.

Everything hurt. Inside out. He couldn’t breathe, he just sat there as his sobs racked his body and filled the empty halls by his muffled, broken whines and screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooookay... I'll just go and hide and not come out ever again. yay? yay ._. *hides*


	3. Chapter 3

Tiny little hands shook him awake. He felt small puffs of breath across his face. The hands left his shoulder and started to tap, insistently, on his cheeks, and he blinked his eyes open. Big green eyes, rosy cheeks with small round lips were staring right back at him. Stiles closed his eyes and then opened them again. Nope. Not an angel.

“Heather?”

“Uncle Says! You wake up!” said Heather, voice barely contained with held back excitement.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. Heather didn’t answer right away. She just stared at Stiles. On his part Stiles just feared for his life, only for tiny bit. Heather was exactly like her mother, and he was  _not_  going to be lectured by the three year old. Because he knew that Heather was capable of doing just that. Like her mother.

“Oh. Good. You’re awake,” said Lydia as she entered his bedroom.

“Lydia? What are you guys doing here?”

“Jackson came into town to visit Derek, obviously, so we tagged along,” said Lydia, wrinkling her nose at Stiles’ bedroom state. Yeah, he didn’t really move or did anything other than mope around in his bed while he supposedly thought over their conversation. Which he had zero success over.

“Oh.” He said blankly, blinking away the sleep. He didn’t know what else to say.

Lydia rolled her eyes and sat on by the end of the bed. “What happened? And you better start talking and tell me everything, every little detail from the start till this moment or I swear Stiles I will kick your ass.”

Heather didn’t even bat an eye as she held out her hand and Lydia, sighing, placed a one dollar bill in her palm. Stiles stared at them with bewilderment. “What just happened?”

“Mommy said a bad word, so she had to give one dollar to Heather,” said Lydia smartly. Heather nodded as she clutched the money in her hand and looked, well, bored. As bored as a three year old could look.

“Are you sure she is only three, Lids? I mean, yeah you are a smart woman, but this is scary as f-“

Heather silently held out her hand to Stiles and Stiles flailed. “I didn’t even saythe word!”

“But you were going to. Dollar to Heather. Now.”

Stiles’ mouth hang open, rather unattractively, as he stared at Lydia, who had the same expression on her face as Heather. “Women.” He muttered under his breath as he stretched over his bed and took his wallet. He took out the money and placed it in Heather’s hand. She curled her little fingers over it, leaned up, kissed Stiles’ cheek and ran out of the bedroom, presumably going to the living room to watch a cartoon on TV. Or whatever she did.

“You do know that this isn’t one of those ‘parenting done right’ kind of things, right? I mean, yeah she is your kid and you are her parent, but still. She is a three year old kid and she doesn’t act her age.”

Lydia glared at him and said, “Look, I didn’t come here for you to judge my parenting of my own child. I came here to see how my best friend is and why is he moping around in his apartment like a lovesick teenage girl who just got dumped by the guy she had never dated. Now tell me, what happened with Derek?”

“I’m not a girl,” mumbled Stiles as he fiddled with his blanket. Lydia sighed in frustration and Stiles flailed. “Okay, okay. Just, let me get out of bed and look decent and we’ll talk, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Because you reek. When was the last time you had a shower Stiles?”

“Maybe a day before I met Derek?” said Stiles. He blushed with embarrassment.

“Jesus, Stiles,” sighed Lydia, scratching at her forehead with perfectly manicured fingers. Stiles sighed and bit down on his lower lip. He placed his hand over her shoulder and gave her a small smile.

“Go make some coffee. I’ll be with you in a bit.”

Lydia nodded, stood up, and walked out of the door. When the door closed after her Stiles sighed and dropped back down on the bed. He stared up at the ceiling as he pitied everything that was his life.

Stiles sighed, got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He showered quickly and then got dressed. He walked out of the bedroom, into the living room, and saw Heather sitting with a bowl of cereal in her lap, staring at the TV screen. There was some sort of kids program on and she seemed to be into it, because she didn’t even glance at Stiles’ way.

Stiles smiled at her, ruffled her hair and made his way to the kitchen where Lydia made him a breakfast and a mug of coffee. He quickly sat by the table and drankfrom the mug. “Wow, I feel too awake right now.”

“Good,” said Lydia, sitting down in front of him, a mug of coffee in her hands. “You’re gonna need that. We are going to have a long conversation Stiles concerning what happened for the last couple of weeks. No. Eat. Then we’ll talk.” She pointed in her no-nonsense voice and Stiles had nothing on him to fight her. He knew that she could pretty much beat him up into the next week.

So he ate in silence. From where Lydia was sitting, she had a clear view of Heather, who was still glued to the TV. “I hate eating in silence when I have company. So please talk, while I eat,” said Stiles around a mouthful of eggs. What? He was  _still_  a messy eater.

Lydia grimaced at the sight in disgust, but didn’t comment on it, already used to seeing him like that. “Well, since Jackson had heard that Derek was back in town, he suggested we get here as soon as we could. I assumed you’d be here, holed up in your apartment, since your co-workers said that you took a leave because you were sick?”

Stiles just shrugged and fiddled with a slice of bread, refusing looking up at Lydia. Lydia sighed and placed her mug on the table, staring at Stiles.

“Stiles, tell me what happened between you and Derek.”

And Stiles… Well, he couldn’t say no to her. Never had been able to say no to her. So he talked. “You know that he has a garage now, right?” Lydia nodded. Stiles continued, “So, my car was being an as- _backside_.”

Lydia chuckled, “You can use any words you want. Heather isn’t listening.”

Stiles gave her a small smile, “I took the car there. I didn’t know the garage was his, because I thought well… you know what I thought.”

Lydia gave him a sympathetic look and Stiles felt himself relax a bit. “Yeah, I do. So, what happened next?”

“Well, he comes out and it’s awkward as hell. Like, really, mind-blowing, awkward. So me being me, try to run out of there. Of course he catches up, and well, I can’t say no to him now, can I? It’s like me trying to go against you. Which is never, by the way, if you didn’t know this already.” Lydia gave him a smug smile at that, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, we talked. About the car and stuff. And then he asks me out for a lunch date the next day, so I say yeah. We meet, we talk. He takes me a bit out of town where he got himself a cool looking cabin close to the lake. And it’s  _so_  beautiful there, Lids. You have no idea how beautiful it is there. It was like a picture come to life kind of a place, ya know?”

“I can only imagine,” Lydia sighed, taking a sip of her coffee.

“It was raining really hard and it was cold there, so he gave me his leather jacket and I put it on, which was an awesome thought since, like, I was really cold and he smelled awesome. Like, really, really,  _really,_  awesome.”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah, sorry. So yeah, we talked for a bit, he got a bit close. I panicked. We got in the car, he drove me here, and I kind of snapped at him. Asked him why he left. And he…” Stiles feels his throat clog up and he has to take a few steadying breathes.

“Oh Stiles,” he heard Lydia whispered, but he didn’t acknowledge her. He continued.

“He told me why he had to leave. He said that… that he had to leave. I can’t tell you what he said to me. I’m sorry, but I just can’t,” he sniffled, staring down at his hands on the table.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to,” said Lydia giving him a small smile. “Tell me what are you gonna do about this.”

Stiles shrugged. He stood up and cleaned up the table. Placing the utensils in the sink, Stiles turned around and leaned against the counter. “I honestly have no idea,” said Stiles, rubbing a hand behind his neck.

Lydia licked her lips and turned in her seat, regarding him for a moment. Stiles shifted where he stood and waited for her to come up with something. Finally she asked, “Whatever his reasons had been, Is it possible for you to forgive him, and let him back into your life?”

“Out of 10? I’ll say 9.”

Lydia whistled at that and bit down on her lower lip. “So, whatever he had said to you, whatever he had confessed to you, didn’t… turn you off?”

Stiles shook his head, “Not really, no. I mean, I kind of had a general idea what he was going through. But he telling me why he had to leave was a relief. In its own way, I’m glad that he shared this information with me, because I  _had_  to know, ya know? I needed to know. Well, he wasn’t really cautious with the way he spilled the beans, so to speak, but I’m glad he was truthful and blunt about it.”

“Was it hurtful? Listening him when he confessed why he did what he did?” Lydia asked, her voice soft and cautious.

Stiles nodded. “Very. Hence why I’m the way I am right now.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” said Lydia, sounding sincerely apologetic. Stiles smiled at her and gave her a nod. Apparently, being a mother, softened her more. It was a good look on her.

“It’s okay. Really. God knows my dreams had to stop somewhere,” Stiles froze the second the words left his mouth. He licked his lips and shuffled his feet as he felt Lydia’s eyes bore into him.

“What dreams?” she asked.

Stiles took a deep breath and opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it again. He wasn’t really ready to share this information with anyone, since Derek himself didn’t know about it. So he just tried to shrug it off. “Meh, just dreams. Like, nightmares. You know. The usual.”

Lydia didn’t look convinced  _at all_ , but she let it slide for now. Stiles let out a relaxed breathe. He didn’t need Lydia being all over him and tell him how wrong and dangerous it was for his mentality. He wasn’t ready for that conversation anyway. It was something that he had to talk to Derek with.

“I won’t ask more about that, but know that I don’t believe you for one second. Now, tell me, finally, what are your plans concerning Derek?”

And this was probably the first time they used his name in the conversation. And of course, Stiles’ heart being the traitor that he was, flipped at the mention of his name. He knew that he was officially, once again, spontaneously screwed.

“Deep down, I know that I have no other choice but let him back into my life, because there is no other way for this to end. If I tell him to fuck off then I’ll be unhappy and God only knows what it’ll do to him,” said Stiles remembering Derek’s face when he confessed. The desperate look on his face was going to hunt Stiles’ down until he’d have armful of Derek once again. “But at the same time, there are so many things that we need to talk about. So many things to discuss.  Don’t even know where I’m going to start.”

“How about we go and visit him?” Stiles stared at her in fear. Was she serious? “What? It’s not like you guys are going to be alone. It’ll be me, you, Derek, Jackson and Heather. We all will hang out and you’ll see how you’re doing around him, at close proximity to him. And I’m sure you’ll figure out when to have ‘the talk’ with him and then jump his bones.”

“Jump his-Lydia, I’m not going to jump his bones.”

Lydia gave him a blank look. “Stiles, when was the last time you got laid?”

Stiles opened his mouth to answer, but then shut it with a click. Because, yeah, he didn’t remember. It wasn’t like Stiles went to places to get some action. He literally sat on his ass for years, aced his way through college and university, created the most awesome program on earth which landed him the job that he has now, and he never really thought about getting in other people’s pants. He never really felt lonely or anything. Sure, he got a blowjob here and there, but he never kissed anyone, never had been intimate with anyone.

“I rest my case,” said Lydia as she stood up and straightened her shirt. She took her mug close to the sink and washed it, before placing it on dish rack to dry out. She turned her big green eyes at him and snapped her fingers in his face. “What are you daydreaming about? Go and make yourself presentable. Now.”

“What? Why?” said Stiles, frowning down at what he was wearing. Which was his plain and well-worn out jeans with red plaid shirt. “I look decent.”

“’Decent’ won’t cut it, Stiles. You have to impress. You have to make him look at you like he wants to eat you for dinner. Go and get changed, right now, or I’ll drag you there and force you to wear whatever I choose.”

“Sheesh! Okay! Calm your tits woman. I’m going,” flailed Stiles. He made his way to his bedroom, and Lydia went to check up on her daughter, who happily climbed and sat on Lydia’s lap. Stiles smiled at the sight of the two of them.

Stiles stared at his clothes and sighed in defeat. He didn’t know what he had to wear in order to make him look ‘edible’, or whatever Lydia wanted him to look. Since he had an actual work now he could afford to buy himself awesome clothes. Finally, he ended up wearing a purple shirt with black skinny jeans. He ruffled his hair into something that looked decent and not ‘I-just-rolled-out-bed-and-don’t-give-a-crap’ hair. He went overboard with his cologne, just a touch. He stared at himself in the mirror and nodded. Yup. Looked alright.

Stiles walked out of his bedroom and spread his hands out for the ladies. “So, what do you think?”

“Cool,” said Heather, smiling toothily up at Stiles.

“Not bad,” said Lydia, giving a smile identical to Heather’s.

“Thanks,” said Stiles as he tugged at his shirt a bit self-consciously. “You guys really look creepy when you do that, you know that right? Like, you guys look too similar sometimes and it’s creepy. Like now, you both got the look and it’s creeping me out.”

“Or perhaps you’re too scared to actually face Derek and you’re trying to drag your feet till I finally snap and get you out of here. Kicking and screaming. Now, are you ready to go?” said Lydia, her voice brookno arguments.

So Stiles sighed and nodded. “Ready to leave whenever you guys are ready to go.”

They piled up in Lydia’s car as she drove them to Derek’s in silence. Heather sat on the backseat, buckled up securely in her chair with seatbelts bolted securely around her, while she bubbled away with her toys. Stiles sat shotgun. He was once again nervous. He didn’t know what to expect, what Derek was going to do when he saw Stiles. What if he didn’t want him anymore? What if he didn’t want Stiles to be in his apartment? Stiles snorted. Yeah, that’d be typical for him. It was Stiles’ life to be rejected and stay rejected for the rest of his life.

But… this was Derek he was thinking about. Derek who was kind, nice, sexy, broody, awesome and hot and all the good things out there. He wouldn’t reject him on spot. No, he would probably take him out for dinner; complete with candles and live music playing in the background. There’d be wine and yummy food, laughter and happiness. And then at the end of the night Derek would drop the bomb by telling him that there won’t ever be an “us” and Stiles’s world would crumble into pieces and cease to exist.

“You’re overthinking,” Lydia’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Am I?” He asked softly.

“Yes,” she answered firmly. Parking her car in front of the building and cutting the engine off. She turned around in her seat and regarded Stiles with narrowed eyes. “He wants you. You’re not going to get rejected or whatever you’ve been thinking.”

“Look, it is not exactly rainbows and sunshine now just because he confessed why he did, what he did. It doesn’t mean that he wants me back into his life.”

“Of course not. I’m not stupid enough to assume as such. But you two are broke and so hopelessly in love that it’s making me puke all over the place.”

“That’s a sight that I won’t ever want to witness.”

“Good, because it’s not a pretty sight.”

Stiles sighed and looked out of the car window and at the building. “You look like it’s going to eat you alive.” Piped up Lydia after a moment of silence. Stiles turned and glared at her.

“Dude, don’t get me started, okay? I’m allowed to feel nervous.”

“’Feel nervous’, yes. But look like you’re going to walk in into your own funeral? No.” Stiles whimpered and slapped a hand over his eyes. Lydia continued, “And besides, it’s not like he doesn’t know you’re coming with.”

At that Stiles flailed and glared at her, mouth hanging open unattractively. “What? How?  _Lydia!”_

“What?” asked Lydia, unbuckling her seatbelt and  _getting out of the car._

 _“Where are you going?”_  hissed Stiles at her. Lydia rolled her eyes and opened the back door to get Heather out.

“To answer to your first question Stiles; I texted Jackson and asked him if it was a  _green light_  to take you with me here, and he said yes,” she closed the back door and walked around the car, Heather trotting by her side. Stiles had no choice but to get out now. He got out and leaned against it. He still regarded the building as if it was going to eat him. What? It looked menacing.

It really didn’t, but Stiles liked exaggerating from time to time. Shut up.

“And as for the second question,” she continued. “I’m going up to Derek’s. Whether you like it or not,” Her voice held that edge to it where he had no choice, but to agree.

“Fine,” he forced out. “But I’m taking Heather.”

Lydia rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Suit yourself. Baby.”

“You’re the baby… baby,” Stiles muttered. He scooped down and took Heather up in his arms. She wrapped her little arm around his neck and leaned her head against his. Stiles’ heart melted at the gesture.

They went up the stairs in silence and before Stiles knew, Lydia was knocking on the door. Stiles had a second to plan out how to escape, but then the door opened and there he was, in all his glory.

Stiles’ mouth watered at the sight. He was wearing a red Henley (did Derek own anything else  _but_  Henley shirts? The answer to that was probably a “no”. But Stiles wasn’t complaining either.) shirt, he had the sleeved rolled up to his elbows. He was wearing jeans and he was barefoot. Yep, this was the day Stiles was going to die.

“Hey,” he squeaked out, finding his voice.

“Hi.”

This was so fucking awkward the whole night was definitely going to be awkward. Stiles sighed.

“You guys are going to come in or you’re perfectly fine with standing there and eyefu-“

“Shut up, Jackson,” Lydia yelled. She reached out and took Heather from Stiles’ arm, giving him  _the glare_ , and walked over to Derek. She pecked him on his cheek and then introduced him to Heather. Stiles’ heart full-on stopped as he saw Derek’s face morph into one, honest to God, the softest look Stiles had ever seen on his face. Heather stared at him, shyly, from under her eyelashes. She held out her hand for Derek to shake. Derek took her hand in his broad one, gave it one shake, and then kissed the back of her hand. When he stood up and released her hand, Derek gave her this brilliant smile that made Stiles weak on the knees.

Stiles wanted to punch and rip his clothes off of him all at once. He had never seen this side of Derek, never seen how he interacted with kids before. And it was downright adorable.

Lydia then took her to Jackson, who took Heather in his arms, hugging her close to his chest, and the three of them made their way to the kitchen.

Derek turned back around and stared at Stiles, who was still standing out from the threshold. Stiles licked his lips and rubbed the back of his neck. He felt and uncomfortable at the same time. He opened and closed his mouth several times and finally, blurted out. “I can go if you want. I mean, of course assuming that you don’t want me around. Obviously. But Lydia said that it was okay for me to come, so I came? But like, it’s totally cool if you want me to leave. I’ll understand. Really. Totally. Just say the word and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Come in.”

“W-what?” He stammered out.

“You can come in,” said Derek slowly, “and have a homemade pizza with us, which we are still making. Or you can stand there and watch us as we eat all of it. Without sharing.”

Stiles found himself crossing the door, before his mind registered what he was doing. Derek closed the door after him, clapped him on the shoulder as he passed and limped his way to the kitchen. Stiles followed him.

Of course it was loud the second they all started working together. Jackson and Derek were loudly having a talk about American football. Heather was trying to make herself heard over their loud voices, while Lydia tried to keep her quiet and follow the conversation. Stiles stood to the side, cutting the tomato, occasionally laughing and trying to keep up with the conversation, but he was too distracted by Derek. It was heartwarming to see Derek like this, cheerful, eyes alive with amusement, talking, and making jokes.

Stiles wanted that. He wanted for that look to be directed at him. He wanted to see those eyes, those piercingly pale green eyes, to look at him with warmth and softness and full of love. He wanted to be able to touch Derek freely, as much as he wanted. Like Lydia and Jackson were doing now. Jackson leaning against Lydia, hand on her knees as he still verbally, and friendly, fought with Derek. He wanted to be able to lean against Derek shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, easily moving together as if they were meant for one another.

He wanted nothing more than to easily lean down over him and kiss Derek’s lips, which were currently stretched out into a wide green. Ran his hand through his hair, tug at it, straddle his hips-

“Ow. Ouch. Fuck. Shit.  _Damnit._ ” Stiles exclaimed suddenly. There was blood oozing out of his finger since he cut it on a kitchen knife. He quickly went to the sink and held his and under the cold water. He hissed at the first touch. “Damn it,” muttered Stiles.

He turned around and saw Jackson dumping the half sliced tomato into the bin. “Dude, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t careful.”

“It’s okay,” Derek said from his side. He sounded okay too, but his face didn’t. Actually, his face was full of… concern? Huh. “Let me see.” Before Stiles could protest Derek took his hand in his and inspected his finger, twisting it this and that way.

Stiles’ heart skyrocketed at the touch, at the way Derek held his hand almost delicately. His whole  _arm_  was on fire from the touch, and all he could do was lean against the counter and breathe through his mouth. Stiles looked down at Derek’s arms and noticed that they were covered in scars. Stiles’ heart broke at that just a tiny bit. Stiles looked up at Derek’s downcast face. Were there any more scars on his arms, or was this the only scars he had? Aside from the ones he personally tended to all those years ago…

“Hmm…” said Derek eventually. Stiles was positive it was hours, then seconds, when he spoke. “You won’t gonna need stitches. A Band-Aid should do it.” He smiled down at Stiles. Stiles gave him an eyeroll.

“Here,” Lydia gave him an already opened Band-Aid. Derek took it with a small smile of thanks. He placed it carefully over the cut. Derek then rubbed his thumb over it, and then let his hand go. Stiles felt that he could breathe more freely now.

“Well, that’s enough drama for me for one day,” he said with a nervous chuckle. “I’ll just go and sit on the couch.”

Without waiting for a reply, he rushed his way out of the kitchen area and sat on the couch in the living room, facing the blank screen of the TV. He didn’t feel like switching it on.

The weeks that he holed himself up in his apartment weren’t so bad, since he could pretty much not think about the outside world and the broody, sex-God in the kitchen. Who was, once again, becoming the sole purpose of Stiles’ life and world. He looked down at his hand; the hand that Derek took and held in his hand, gently and softly. There was still the spark that Stiles always felt when Derek would touch him, be it sexually or casually. It wasn’t really surprising when Stiles realized that he wanted Derek back into his life.

So maybe Stiles would take the risk and see where this would go from here? He would ask Derek if it was okay if he stayed over for a bit longer so they could ‘talk’. They had to clear out everything before they’d take a step into the right direction.

Decision made and feeling somewhat calmer now, Stiles stood up and walked back to the kitchen. The only person there was Derek, who was cleaning up the center counter. He looked so at ease that Stiles leaned against the refrigerator and just watched him, as he limped way through the kitchen. Derek had grown up to be an extremely attractive man. His shoulders were wider and very muscular. His biceps were the size of a watermelon and Stiles was sure he could kill anyone with these arms. Despite the fact that he looked constantly tired, he looked content. As if the weight of the war’s depressive state was lift off from his shoulders, now that he wasn’t serving anymore. He reached up and placed the seasonings back up in the cupboard, his back muscles flexing under his shirt.

“Staring is rude,” Derek said abruptly and Stiles felt himself flush crimson red.

“Sorry,” he said, walking in more into the kitchen.

“It’s fine. I’m used to people sneaking up on me,” Derek said casually. “Only, back then, it was for the purpose of killing me. But my senses were, and still are, too good. Too bad for the enemy, though.”

“I should probably be more careful then,” said Stiles with a chuckle. A moment later, he froze and his eyes widened as he realized what he had said. “Oh my God, dude. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay,” said Derek, a lopsided smile on his lips. “Just know you’ll be fine around me. You are not the enemy.”

Stiles nodded, but he still felt like a jerk. Stiles and his mouth were going to blow this up before it’d start. Great.

Derek bent down and checked the pizza in the over. Stiles sniffled back a moan, because  _wow,_  Derek’s ass was a work of art. Truly. Stiles had no words to describe it. He only knew that he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch and grab and pull.

“So, what’s with the leg?” he asked, trying for casual and to not sound too breathless.

Derek stood up. He placed the pizza on the counter and placed another one in the oven. He shrugged. “I got shot.” Stiles winced at the bluntness in Derek’s voice. “And that was the end of my career. I’ve been serving for the better part of my life. General Wittemore sent me home the minute I was out of the hospital. It was around the time when I… you know.”

“I’m sorry,” Stiles said. He knew how much it meant for Derek to serve, because he loved the army. He loved knowing that he was bringing good and justice to the world. He was a goodhearted and fair man. Stiles fell for him just a tad bit more, if it was possible by the way he was already swooning over him.

Derek gave him a smile that warmed his eyes and melted Stiles’ heart. “It’s fine. God knew it was time for me to leave. Now, do you want to cut this?” said Derek pointing at the cutter.

Stiles made his way to where Derek was standing and took the cutter. “Where is the happy trio?”

“Oh, Heather wanted to sleep, so they took her to bed.”

Stiles nodded and eyes the pizza carefully. “Are you sure you want me to do it?” joked Stiles, as he stood by Derek at close proximity. He could smell Derek and the pizza now. His mouth watered at that.

“I trust you,” said Derek confidently.

Maybe it was the confidencein his voice was the reason that Stiles leaned up and kissed Derek’s cheek. He pulled back and stared at Derek in abject horror. Derek was frozen, his face expressionless. Usually Stiles would have something at the ready to say, to break the tension and the awkward moment, but his mind was blank. Completely devoid of rational thoughts.

“Oooh! Pizza! Finally. I’ve been starving for hours now, dude,” Stiles had never been so grateful on seeing Jackson’s ass-face in his whole life.

Derek was the first one to break out from the shock, because he took a step back, stared  _right into_  Stiles’ eyes and turned away. Stiles let out a shuddering breath and started cutting the pizza into slices. He could feel Lydia’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare looking up.

Minutes later, they were sitting around the table, eating and talking. The talking was mostly done by Jackson and Lydia. Stiles was sure his friends were looking at him like he was going to break down and openly cry. And he didn’t even want to think what Derek’s face looked like, because he didn’t say a single word since Jackson and Lydia came into the kitchen.

When Heather woke up, Lydia declared that they should probably leave because she needed a shower. Stiles hugged Heather and gave her sloppy kisses on her cheek while she tried to squirm away from her uncle. She giggled and wiggled and broke free from his arms and ran from him. She ran and hid herself behind Derek’s legs, clutching at his jeans and peeking out from there. Derek looked down, mildly surprised by the action. He looked up and saw Stiles standing there, flushed face, mouth open as he breathed fast. Stiles noticed Derek staring at him, noticed how his throat bobbed as he gulped, noticed how his eyes traveled across his face, lingering a bit on his lips.

The connection was broken, once again, by Jackson who called out to them so they could go. When they made their way to the door, Lydia kissed Derek’s cheek and left with Heather in her arms, who waved at them wildly. Jackson clapped Derek on his shoulder and said that they’d meet again soon and left. Stiles was going to follow them, when Derek held him back with a hand on his forearm, and slammed the door shut.

“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you think? :D  
> There's only one more chapter left! yay!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate to break this for you, marshmallow, but you are so fucking wrong about that.

Okay, so when Stiles said that he was going to ask Derek to stay over in order for them to have a talk, like, heart to heart, like open up about their feelings and talk about what they were going to do next, he didn’t even think that it was going to be this.

When Derek said that they needed to talk, Stiles thought the same as what he had thought before Derek made the proposition. Which was sitting down in front of each other, way out of each other’s personal space and just do that; talk.

What Stiles didn’t count on was this. This wasn’t talking. This wasn’t not talking either.

This was… well…

Stiles didn’t know who started it, or who made the first move, or who thought that this was a great idea to initiate.

They collided on mid-step. Arms wrapped around each other in a desperate way that Stiles had missed. Their lips slotting together like they were literally made for each other. Which they were, if you asked Stiles. Derek’s hands were everything, Stiles’ body was alightwith glee as Derek ran his hands over and over on Stiles’ back. Stiles desperately pulled Derek closer to his body, head tipping back, standing on his toes, trying to get as close as possible. He whined at the back of his throat, because he couldn’t get enough of Derek’s lips.

The taste of Derek’s lips was something that Stiles thought he was never going to taste ever again. Stiles pulled at Derek’s hair, wanting to get closer, as much as he could. He was getting breathless by straining his legs to be up and closer to Derek’s mouth.

The stubble on Derek’s cheeks rubbing around Stiles’ mouth and cheeks were giving a pleasant burn that Stiles had missed. Stiles’ kissing turned desperate. His hands left Derek’s hair to run in across his cheeks to just feel the burn on his palms. Derek pulled him even closer, squeezing his body to his; one hand on his shoulder blades, the other one close to his bum.

This way, Stiles could feel every muscle move Derek’s chest did when he moved. He could feel every desperate breathe he took. Stiles had missed this. Screw talking. They’d talk later when this desperation, this raw need, the thirst for one another, had to be satisfied and put aside so they could talk. So, they both agreed on this. Without uttering the words, they connected in a way that made both of them cling to one another in a desperate dance of heat and passion.

Stiles whined into Derek’s mouth once again and Derek traveled his hands down his body, and grabbed his bum. He squeezed them and Stiles buckled his hips up at the gesture. The only warning he got was Derek’s biceps tightening, and he was hauled up into the air and Stiles quickly wrapped his legs around Derek’s waist. Lips still attached and in a heated kiss.

Derek slammed him against the closed door and the force of it rattled Stiles a bit. Derek then directed his lips down his jawline and Stiles mewled at that. One hand buried in Derek’s hair and the other one clutching at Derek’s neck, Stiles ground his hips against Derek’s in an attempted friction for his hardening erection. Derek let out a low growl against his neck and he bit down on Stiles’ pulse point. Stiles cried out in pleasure, head throwing to the side to give more access to Derek’s wandering lips, Stiles pulled Derek closer still.

His thighs ached from the way he was holding himself up on Derek, even though Derek had a firm grip on him and he wouldn’t never let Stiles fall. Stiles could loosen up his legs a bit, but this way, he knew that Derek was real. That Derek was there and he was kissing him like a dying man starving for water. Knew that Derek was as affected by this as much as Stiles was. In this way, he was making inhuman noises at the back of his throat and his hips were starting to make stuttering movements back against Stiles’ one.

Stiles bit down on his earlobe and Derek broke into a whimper. He always had weakness in his ears, and Stiles knew how to unwind him. It was endearing seeing such a powerful man go weak on the knees with a bite on his ear. Stiles licked him and he could feel Derek tightening his hold on his bum, fingers digging in in an almost brutal and bruising way.

Derek growled and he pulled Stiles up a bit more and then slammed him back against the door. The door rattled from the force, but Stiles didn’t even notice because Derek was kissing him once again. His lips demanding, taking, empowering. It was leaving Stiles breathless and wanton with arousal. He wanted nothing more than to feel their skins rubbing against each other. Their sweat getting mixed up together, their dicks touching, fucking moaning and groaning, Stiles wanted that. He wanted that very much and he wanted it right now.

So with great reluctance that he had to pull himself away from Derek’s sinful lips, Stiles pecked on his lips, once and twice, and then whispered, “As much as I’m loving this position, don’t you think we need to use the bed for this?”

Derek looked at Stiles’ mouth when he spoke, he kept licking his lips, even after Stiles finished saying his request, because Stiles’ mouth was hanging open. Derek licked his lips, eyes widely open, pupils dilated with uncontrolled arousal.

Without saying a word, and a surprised yelp from Stiles, Derek pinned him up with his hips. Stiles automatically tightened his legs around Derek’s waist. Derek pulled off his and Stiles’ shirts off of their bodies. Stiles gasped at the sight of him. Derek was literally covered in scars. He had, what appeared to be, multiple small pocket knives digging and cutting on his chest. There were two burnt skin on his chest, closer to his heart, and another on near his waistband.

Derek nosed at Stiles’ jawline, his stubble scratching Stiles’ skin, making his way to his earlobe, biting on it. Stiles shuddered. “This is not what I had in mind when I told you we need to talk,” Derek said, thrusting his hips up, breathe hot at the shell of Stiles’ ear. “ _Fuck,_  I want you so bad.”

“Then what the fuck are you waiting for?” Stiles hissed; mouth hanging, breathing harder than ever. Derek growled and latched his teeth right under Stiles’ ear, suckling on the flesh there. Stiles knew it was going to leave a bruise, but he didn’t care. He was too far gone to care.

Derek pushed away from the wall, Stiles in his arms and stumbled his way to his bed. Stumbled, because Stiles kept grinding his hips down and down on Derek’s hips. Mouth attached to Derek’s neck, licking and biting and sucking. Derek’s knees almost would’ve buckled if he hadn’t been so close to the bed.

They came tumbling on it. Bed dipping down under their weight, bed sheets getting messed up at the action. Stiles’ breathe hitched as Derek fully laid down on top of him. Stiles’ arched his back rubbing it against Derek’s. Derek gave Stiles a bruising kiss which made Stiles’ toes curl in with pleasure.

Derek directed his kissing down his jawline, bit at his pulse point, which made Stiles buckle up into Derek’s mouth. Derek rubbed his thumbs over Stiles’ erect nipples, lapping at one of them and suckling into his mouth. Stiles groaned, one of his hands pulling atDerek’s hair and the other reaching out to get purchase from the bed headboard. Derek licked his way down.

Biting down on Stiles’ cock though his jeans, he quickly worked on the button and the zipper, and the next thing Stiles knew he was butt naked on the bed panting and thrusting his hips up once at the sudden change of temperature. He yelped as Derek’s mouth took him in his mouth.

The warm heat of his mouth was so familiar that Stiles almost sobbed. He tried not to move his hips as Derek bobbed his head up and down, up and down, but it was a futile attempt on Stiles’ part to stay still. He tightened his grip on Derek’s hair and lifted his hips up into the heat. He felt Derek relax the back of his throat and Derek encouraged him to move his lips.

So Stiles did. He moved his hips in desperate thrusts, fucking himself into Derek’s mouth. He heard Derek gag and make choking sounds, but he never stopped Stiles, no. He just gripped his hips tighter and in silent plea, asked Stiles to fuck him as much he wanted. Stiles could feel he was getting closer, he could feel the heat, the desperation of his body to be released from him in one. Single. Thrust.

He came so hard he almost broke his spine in two with the way he arched up and off the bed. Derek gulped down everything that Stiles gave him; the sounds that he made were sinful and loud in the quietness of the studio. Stiles didn’t even manage to catch his breathing when he was being turned onto his stomach. He braced himself by holding on to the headboard of the bed, cheek resting against it. He felt Derek’s stubble on the dip of his spine, close to his ass, as Derek kissed his way down. He felt Derek grabbing his cheeks, squeezing them and then opening them up for him.

Stiles gave a full body shudder as he felt Derek’s puff of breaths on his crack, before he could progress what was happening Derek dipped and kissed at his opening. “ _Holy sh-shit, Derek!_ ” Stiles moaned and groaned as Derek licked and kiss at his opening. Occasionally, he would go down and suck at the flesh under his balls. His thumb rubbing on his opening, not going in, just rubbing there, firing a stimulation to Stiles’ whole body. “Lube. We need lube,” Stiles didn’t recognize his voice as he groaned out his request. “I want you inside me right n-now.  _Ohmygod_ ,” Stiles didn’t know what he was saying, because Derek did something wonderful with his tongue  _inside_  him that made Stiles see stars.

He reached down with one hand and grabbed fistful of Derek’s hair. He held him there as he fucked his ass into Derek’s face. He could feel himself hardening again, his cock slapping against his thighs from the movement.  He almost cried out when Derek pulled back and made his way up his body, kissing his spine as he did so.

He reached over to the side table and opened the drawer, getting the lube and condom out of there. He kneeled back on the bed and got his condom on. Stiles bit down on his arm as he heard him do so. His ass was dripping with Derek’s spit and probably his own jizz. He wasn’t sure how long passed when he felt Derek’s dick rubbing against his ass. It only took him few tries to get his dick in and by the time he did, Stiles was a mess.

He was panting and chanting endless  _ohmygodderekfuckme,_ over and over again. Then Derek started to move and Stiles was sure he blanked out from the most of it. He could feel the heat that came off from Derek’s body on his chest. He could feel Derek’s scars rubbing against his back as he moved. He could hear the slapping sounds their hips made as Derek fucked him from behind roughly. His teeth sank into the headboards wood, muffled the scream that ripped off from him as Derek slammed at his prostate with rough movements, over and over again. Stiles was crying, when Derek pulled out and moved him around.

Derek now sat against the headboard, Stiles moved  _down_  on him as he rode him. This way Derek moved his hips up and up and  _up_  into his body. Stiles’ eyes rolled back, his head lolling back as Derek moved his hips as fast as he could. Stiles’ thigh muscles strained from the exercise they were getting but he didn’t have an ounce of power in himself to fucking care. All he could feel right now with how Derek’s mouth felt on his neck, as he kissed and bit him there, how his strong arms felt on his back and hips as he helped Stiles to move down on him. Stiles knew his grip on Derek’s hair was rough and hard, but he couldn’t loosen it up. At all.

“Kiss me,” Derek’s voice was unrecognizable as he asked, _begged_  Stiles to kiss him. Stiles looked down and his breath caught. Derek was a mess. His hair was sweaty as was his face and his whole body. His eyes were wide open, blank with lust that was surely running through his body. His cheeks were flushed with arousal. Lips red from where he bit down on them and wet from when he licked on them. “Kiss me,” Derek begged once again, voice breaking as he still moved up in him.

Stiles dipped down and kissed him. A kiss that was full of love and a promise and raw with need, filled with so much need that Stiles’ stuttered and he came. Long, white spurts bursting out of his cock, marking their sweaty chests. Marking Derek for himself once again. Derek was his now, and always.

Few thrusts later, and Derek was cumming hard and fast inside Stiles’ ass. Mouth hanging open, eyes wide, unblinking as they stared up at Stiles in wonder, a broken cry leaving his lips.

Stiles held him close after that. Unmoving. High from excitement and exhilaration from what happened now. He buried his face at Derek’s neck, kissing him lazily there. Shuddering as Derek’s hands rubbed up and down his sides. He couldn’t move from this position. He wasn’t sure if he could ever move from here. Derek seemed on board with that, because when Stiles squirmed he held him tighter and closer to his chest.

He wasn’t sure how long it took them to be able to release each other but now, Derek was lying down on his back, one head under his head, and the other holding Stiles close to his body. Stiles snuggled close, one leg snuggled in between Derek’s legs, arms wrapped tightly around Derek’s chest. A blanket was thrown over their hips, but Stiles still shivered from the aftermath of their marathon and Derek’s fingers which were rubbing up and down his spine.

It was so quiet in here, so quiet that Stiles was sure Derek could hear his frantically beating hard against his ribcage. He was still dazed from what had happened between them. How it happened. He didn’t have an answer to his own questions, but he knew that they needed to talk.

He didn’t regret this. Didn’t regret the fact that they fucked before they talked about what they were going to do. Because now he was sure that he was never going to let Derek leave him. It was out of question. He hated breaking the silence between them, but he had to talk. Derek knew that he had to talk because he gave a squeeze on his shoulder when he felt Stiles taking a breath several times, opening his mouth to speak, but closing it again.

“I never hated you,” started Stiles, his voice hoarse from all the screaming he did few minutes ago. “I never could find it in me to hate you. I tried. I honestly tried to hate your guts, I tried forgetting about you, but it never happened. Whenever I spent time with my friends, I would always search the crowd to find you so I could share a joke with you. But you were never there. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to find you, but I still did it.”

Derek breathed out deeply, but Stiles tightened his hold on him. It was okay. They were okay. Derek didn’t need to say anything, but Stiles had to get it all out. They needed this.

“The first time I did it, it was horrible. I couldn’t recognize myself. I cried for days after that. Scott was there, even douchebag Jackson was there. Don’t ever tell this to Jackson that I told you, but he cried too. He held me as I cried and soaked his chest with tears and spit. I could feel he was crying too, because he was breathing harder than ever, and his hold on me was tight. I could feel the tears on the back of my head. When I realized he was crying too, I realized that Jackson was human too. That you leaving didn’t only affect me, but it affected to the people around meas well. Do not even think about that I’m accusing you here, because I’m not.” Stiles kissed his chest, because he knew that Derek was going to feel like crap after that. He needed to know that Stiles didn’t hate him.

Nestling more comfortably against him, Stiles continued. “Days passed. I wrote you letters almost every day. I would ask Jackson if he got any news on you and it was always negative. I thought that maybe you didn’t want to talk to me, so you were talking with Jackson instead, so that’s why I asked every time I saw him. Jackson was always patient with me. I guess I spend that much time with him because I knew he was the closest thing to you in this life, outside the army.”

Derek nodded, “Yeah. The Wittemores were kind enough to give me a home to stay with them after my parents died.”

Stiles kissed his chest again. He was too tired and sore to move up and kiss him fully on the lips, though he wanted to. Stiles continued, “After that Scott left with Kira to Japan, Danny left for Uni in Europe. The twins vanished. So it was only me and Jackson and Lydia. They left to Chicago shortly after I got my scholarship into the Uni to get my masters in IT department. It was good. It kept me busy and didn’t give me time to think about other stuff. Mainly, you.” Stiles moved his hand over Derek’s chest and the scars there. He felt Derek’s muscles tighten as his hands explored.

“I comforted myself with the fact that you were probably dead and that’s why you weren’t answering to any of my letters…” the admission was said quietly. He heard Derek swallow with a click as his hand tightened on his body. “But… few years ago, something seemed to change in me. I felt kind of alive. It’s…”

Stiles didn’t continue because he didn’t know how he was going to explain his dreams to Derek without looking like a lunatic. He twisted in bed, and looked up at Derek’s face. He looked relaxed, leaned back against the pillow, looking satisfied and warm and so handsome that it made Stiles ache with want. So he leaned up a bit and kissed Derek’s lips slowly. Derek responded immediately. Hand coming down to cup his face and tilt it to the side, and the hand on his back rubbing up and down. Stiles pulled back, resting his chin on Derek’s chest, he glanced up at Derek and asked in a small voice. “If I tell you something, you won’t think of me differently, will you?”

Derek frowned. He rubbed Stiles’ cheek with the back of his hand and said, “Stiles, I fell for you the first time I laid my eyes on you. I fell more for you when I figured out how much of a weirdo you were.” Stiles scoffed and rolled his eyes, Derek grinned at him. He rolled them over so Stiles was now under Derek. “So, no. Nothing will make me think of you differently,” Derek added and kissed his temple.

Stiles smiled softly at him. He ran his hand through Derek’s hair, he then turned his head and kissed Derek’s forehead. “I used to have to have these vivid dreams about you. At first it was only memories, but then, for the past few years, they changed. You would talk to me. I… I remembered your voice, that’s why I would talk to you. There came a time when I would stop remembering your voice and you wouldn’t talk to me, but I didn’t lose hope.”

They were silent for some time. Derek was frowning down on him, his fingers rubbing his jawline in a soothing way. He leaned down and kissed Stiles’ chin, then he kissed his way up his cheeks and then he kissed Stiles’ eyelids. Stiles hadn’t realized he had been crying until he felt Derek’s lips on him. He leaned his forehead against Stiles’, hands framing Stiles’ face. “If it was so bad, why didn’t ask for help? I’m sure you’d find someone to help you to get over it. To get better, I mean.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I didn’t want to do that. Because you kept me sane when I had no hope of living through my life. Aside from my dad, I was all alone. And the dreams were something I looked forward to every night when I went to bed.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m so sorry.”

Stiles shook his head and kissed the corner of Derek’s mouth. Sniffling, he said, “You don’t have to apologize for anything, babe. I understand. Really. Well, not fully, but in time, I will.”

Derek’s lips tugged at the corner, “’Babe’? Really?”

“Why, do you prefer another one? I can always call you muffin cake. Or cupcake. Or even cutie hamster.”

Derek snorted a laughter at that, his whole body vibrating with the effort of keeping quiet. “You remember?”

“Of course I remember. That’s the most memorable conversation we’ve had,” said Stiles smiling up at Derek. Derek dipped down and kissed him on the lips softly. Stiles pulled back and sighed. There was that one question stuck at the back of his mind. He knew that Derek knew he still had questions to ask. It was weird. They hadn’t seen each other for years, hadn’t even had a connection when they were off, but they had this connection which was something that Stiles never thought he’d ever have with anyone.

“You know, you can ask me about anything you want, right?” said Derek, nosing along his jawline, kissing at his pulse point.

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to sound too blunt. But then again, I can’t really not sound blunt because there’s no other way to ask this question,” said Stiles, tilting his head to the side. His eyes closed as he tried not to squirm too much. “You know, if you keep that up, I won’t be able to form a coherent thought or a sentence. So if you want to have this conversation done and over, I suggest you lean over me and stare down at me with those gorgeous eyes of yours.”

He felt Derek puff out a laughter as he pulled back. His eyes were warm and full of love. Stiles had to catch his breathe. This whole day was becoming overwhelming and at the same time an awesome day for him.

“What’s the big question then?” asked Derek, his voice open and inviting.

“Why did you want to kill me?” asked Stiles, trying not to sound accusing. He was curious more than anything. “I mean, I’m not your enemy, or like I didn’t want something bad to happen to you. So it makes no sense to me, why would you want to kill me.”

Derek exhaled through his nose and looked to the side as he thought of his answer. Finally, he took a steadying breath and looked back at Stiles. “I was going through some psychological bullshit at the time. It was getting harder for me to recognize my partner from my enemies. I would have dreams all the time, which of course you already knew about, but… I don’t know.” Derek frowned and he snuggled close to Stiles. Derek was a big fan of snuggles. It was adorable.

“If you told me what was happening to you at the time, I would’ve tried to help you to make it more tolerable for you. But you wouldn’t share anything with me at the time, Der. I didn’t know what I should’ve done at the time, so I followed your lead.”

“I was scared,” Derek admitted quietly.

“Scared of what, exactly?”

“You leaving me? Realizing that I was some old, fucked up guy and realized that I was nothing for you? That you would’ve been better off without me?”

“I hate to break this for you, marshmallow, but you are so fucking wrong about that, that I’m trying to hold back my anger and not cock you one right now,” said Stiles angrily. “First of all, you are not old. For me. Okay? I like older men, and you are waaaay off from being considered an old man. You are hot. Have you seen yourself in the mirror? I don’t think you’ll ever get old. Like, seriously? That body of yours, hot damn.”

“Okay okay! I get your point,” said Derek, blushing slightly at Stiles’ compliment.

Stiles smiled and tightened his hold on Derek’s, leaning his head down to kiss Derek’s crown. “Good, because I don’t want you to think of you like that. Ever again.”

“Okay, I won’t. I’m sorry.”

“Oh another thing you need to do is to stop apologizing. I’m getting tired of hearing those words coming out from your mouth,” said Stiles quickly. “Second of all, I wouldn’t have been better off without you. Are you serious right now? I wouldn’t even abandon you if you’d have be at a gun’s point. Seriously. If you hadn’t noticed it already, I’m the kind of a guy who doesn’t leave the people he loves. Who is also very protective of what’s theirs.”

“You are talking about yourself in third person.”

“Shut up, Mr. Obvious, I know that I’m doing that. Not an idiot. So, where was I?”

“You were going to shut up and kiss me?”

“Hah. Pfft. As if. I know I was talking about something but I forgot? Wow. See? You’re so hot that I forget what I was saying. Next time you talk dude, get a paper bag or something so I won’t have to see your face and lose my train of thought, because-mff”

Stiles didn’t get the chance to continue the sentence. He didn’t even know what he was saying seconds ago, because Derek was kissing him again. The time the kiss was full of love and a promise, and things to come, which was Stiles was so on board that he flipped them over. Derek went willingly, spreading up under him like a God who was ready to be worshipped. And Stiles did worship him. He kissed every scar Derek had. Every inch of his body was covered by Stiles’ lips and scent and saliva. Derek was a moaning and groaning mess when Stiles took him into his mouth. Dragging his lips up and down as slowly as he could.

They still had a lot of things to work out. They still had problems. They still had things to talk through. But right now, right at this moment, both of them were content with the way things were going.

Stiles was content with having Derek inside of him, having Derek waking up snuggled up close to him, having breakfast and lazy morning sex with Derek in his bed.

He was just content with Derek. They’d still have conversations; heartfelt and warm, argumentative and placative, for hours they would talk about anything and nothing. They weren’t happy. No. They still had things to go through, but happiness came with a great cost, and Stiles was willing to wait for it. They both were willing to wait for it.

Even if it’d take them ten more years to get there.

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaand I'm finally DONE with the Series!
> 
> Are you guys satisfied??? Leave me your thoughts! Thank you so much for reading it and tolerating me ^^' 
> 
> It is this short because I hadn't really planned out on writing a sequel so I just wrote this... on a whim. If you have more questions to ask regarding the story, please, feel free to ask them in the comments and I'll try to answer to them as much as I can :)
> 
> PS: I had "KONGOS-Escape (acoustic)" playing on repeat while I wrote this one...

**Author's Note:**

> back back back! i'm back!! yay!!!!  
> so sequel to Heart to heart because you guys are awesome and I didn't (I did) feel threatened for my life when I read and replied to your comments on the last chapter. Hence, the sequel :P  
> I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter? Comments are appreciated, as always, of course! Makes me want to write more, ya know :3


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